تصحيح الفقرات // انج 101

[SWEET HOOR]

هذي القطعة الرايتنج رسلتها للمعلمة وصححتها لي لكن بغت اضيف عليها فكرة فارجو من احد المدرسين مسااااااعدتي ارجوكم
وهذي الفقرة قبل ما اضيف الفكرة الناقصة

Last week I went to Water Park with my family by car. It was Eid and we decided to go there to have fun.

We played there and walked around the park. After we enjoyed our time we drove back home. I was sleeping in the car. Suddenly the door was opened so I fell out the car and no body noticed that.

When my sister looked at the side mirror, she saw the door opened and immediately stopped the car one side. (What happened to you???)They were shocked so they couldn’t do any thing. Also they cried because they thought I died. Mean while, a kind man came to help us and he drove us to the nearest hospital.

Finally, every one thanked god, because I wasn't seriously injured and they didn’t forget to thank the man for saving my life. On top of that, I learned an important lesson that I should be careful.

[SWEET HOOR]

وهذيىالفقر بعد اضافة الفكرة

Last week I went to Water Park with my family by car. It was Eid and we decided to go there to have fun.
We played there and walked around the park. After we enjoyed our time we drove back home. I was sleeping in the car. Suddenly the door was opened so I fell out the car and no body noticed that.
When my sister looked at the side mirror, she saw the door opened and immediately stopped the car one side. They saw me UN conscious so They were shocked and they couldn’t do any thing. Also they cried because they thought I died. Mean while, a kind man came to help us and he drove us to the nearest hospital.
Finally, every one thanked god, because I wasn't seriously injured and they didn’t forget to thank the man for saving my life. On top of that, I learned an important lesson that I should be careful.

[SWEET HOOR]

واذا ما عليكم امر بيغت فقرة الاعلان يعني ابغي تناسب مستواي لا هي صعبة ولا هي كلش بسيطة
بانتتتتتظااااااااااااااااااااااااااااااااااااااااا ااااااااااااااااااااااااااار كم

[عــلــي]

ممكن تضيفين في البداية مدخل
I like spending my weekend with my family
من ثم تضيفين الجو + الوقت ( ليل أو نهار )
Last week at a rainy night at the Eid, I decided to have fun with my family, so we went to a water park by my father's car
لاحظي أني ضفت اهني من كان يقود السيارة...
بعدين اروي الحدث في الحديقة , يعني لعب مشي أكل...الخ
At the first , I started playing with my sisters and after that we walked for a while , and finally we had a delicious dinner and decided to return home , but this time my sister decided to drive us home.
وهنا اضفت ان الاخت كانت بتوصلنا البيت بدل الأب

Meanwhile I felt sleepy and couldn't do anything only to sleep at the side of the door , my sister was driving so fast when suddenly the door opened and fell out of the car and no one noticed that!


وابقية كملي باضافة وصف للمشاهد الي حدثت

[عــلــي]

تم التعديل

[SWEET HOOR]

مشكككككككككككككككور اخي العزيز على المساعدة.........لقد كانت طريقتك في سرد الاحداث رائعة لكن بغيت استفسر بالنسبة الى ذي الجملةI like spending my weekend with my familyانت ضفتها وية االفقرة الاولى ولا بس كنت تفهمني طريقة توسعة الجملة؟!!!!!!! وبالنسبة الا تكملة الاحداث مايصير ابقيها على حالها واضيف عليها الي انت كتبتة لان يبغى ليي مدة علشاااااااااااان افكر واحط وبعد اخاااااااااااااااااااااااااااااااااااااف تنعفس الفقرة من البهارات الي بضيفهه

[SWEET HOOR]

I like spending my weekend with my family.Last week at a rainy night at the Eid, I decided to have fun with my family, so we went to a water park by my father's car.
At the first , I started playing with my sisters and after that we walked for a while , and finally we had a delicious dinner and decided to return home , but this time my sister decided to drive us home Meanwhile I felt sleepy and couldn't do anything only to sleep at the side of the door . my sister was driving so fast when suddenly the door opened and fell out of the car and no one noticed that!
When my sister looked at the side mirror, she saw the door opened and immediately stopped the car one side. They saw me UN conscious so They were shocked and they couldn’t do any thing. Also they cried because they thought I died. Mean while, a kind man came to help us and he drove us to the nearest hospital.
Finally, every one thanked god, because I wasn't seriously injured and they didn’t forget to thank the man for saving my life. On top of that, I learned an important lesson that I should be careful

[ابو خطاب]

لو سمحتم ابي فقرات رايتنج 101

[hawora]

قصة أنقاذ شخص





At the end , the doctor told us that the man is a live and he is fine , So I went to my house and I was so happy when his family thanked me , but I think I have done what any one should have done it if he was in my place
I looked around the sea and I saw the man screaming because he was drowning and when I saw him , I went quickly to get him out . But before I went to my car to take my phone to phone the emergency service . then the emergency service came and took him to hospital and I went with him to hospital . then when we arrived they called his family and when his family arrived they thanked me a lot

[hawora]

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هاذي فقرة الاعلان